There was a time, many moons ago, when CNN enjoyed a reputation as the “most trusted name in news.” Of course, that was back when “news” meant “things that have actually happened, and are worthy of coverage.” To borrow a phrase from Bob Dylan, “the times, they are a-changin’.” Nowadays, CNN alternates between walking into President Donald Trump’s haymakers and blundering into their own wildly thrown roundhouses.
This week, following President Donald Trump’s retweet of a marginally creative gif, the boys in Atlanta managed to not only react like their hair was on fire, they appear to have shampooed with gasoline. Bad enough that they turned a cutesy little Twitter meme into a death threat; they went full “Gambino” on the meme’s creator, hunting him down like a mob informant and blackmailing him into offering what has to be the least believable apology since Hillary Clinton’s husband got handsy with the interns.
If you haven’t seen the gif in question, it features cut-and paste graphics of Trump laying the proverbial smackdown on CNN in – actually, just outside – a professional wrestling ring. I thought it was worth a smile, perhaps even a chuckle; but it was hardly the stuff of internet legend. The avalanche of memes which appeared mocking New Jersey Governor Chris Christie following his tone-deaf visit to the beach provided far more entertainment than a silly gif of meme-Trump dropping the hammer on meme-CNN.
Nonetheless, CNN spent more time – and considerably more resources – tracking down the poor sap who put it together than they did on the Democrat-incited terrorist who attempted to assassinate Representative Steve Scalise. They gave more space to publicly lynching a Reddit poster than they did to the latest ICBM test conducted by the evil midget who owns North Korea. They put more effort into attempting to shame a dude who made a pretty good joke with a laptop than they did on the shocking violence which has turned the “gun-free,” Democrat-owned city of Chicago into Ciudad Juarez with better pizza.
As if their decision to put the full weight of their organization into doxxing a guy who calls himself “HanAssholeSolo” wasn’t dumber than the Cuomo family on mescaline, CNN is now trumpeting the support of the absolute bowels of the leftist media hate machine. As if garnering the backing of even less reputable outlets like MSNBC wasn’t bad enough, they may well have broken the law. Senator Ted Cruz pointed out Wednesday that CNN’s insanely ugly crusade against an individual could constitute “Theft by extortion.” Lest we think THAT botched body-slam isn’t the worst mistake the disgraced net could have made, the “most trusted name in news” managed to tangle themselves in their own lies, claiming that they “decided not to publish the name of the Reddit user out of concern for his safety;” a statement made even more ludicrous by the fact that they did everything short of sifting through the dumpster to get the guy’s name and number.
All this, because CNN can’t bring themselves to admit that the internet is Trump’s ring; he’s the champ, and they’re the jabronis. In the battle between the real President and fake news, they’re never going to score a pinfall. At this rate, they’re going to end up getting choke-slammed through the ringside announcers’ table.
— Ben Crystal